Practice Makes Purpose
Growing up, I was rarely ever one of the first ones chosen to be on someone’s dodgeball team, basketball team, volleyball team, or anything of the like. It was always a little nerve wracking standing there waiting to be chosen, but not so much so that I ever let that fear overtake my desire to participate. It’s been a defining characteristic in my life.
I LOVED basketball. Honestly, I didn’t quite get it at first. As a teenager I was pretty hilariously clumsy. My body type was gangly and lean, but strong and I had this energy inside me that just refused to give up no matter how badly I failed. In 7th grade I was on the “C” team--the worst one you could be on. In 8th grade I made it to the “B” team as a starter and flirted with being on the “A” team as a fill-in here and there. Around that time, something was starting to click for me. I was gaining muscle memory and my confidence was growing--slowly, albeit, but growing nonetheless!
My coaches would always yell at me to “be aggressive”! I had no freaking clue what that meant I should do with my body. It’s so funny to think about now. They really thought yelling the same thing at me over and over without finding ways to reframe the statement would somehow work, but that’s kinda how it goes with many coaches, teachers, and educators. Sometimes there’s this disconnect that happens when teaching to so many. In many cases, there’s an unspoken assumption in the world of education that students need to assimilate to your teaching style rather than the educator assimilating to the natural abilities and learning styles of their students. My progress and growth on the court was pretty slow in part because of this disconnect and ack of confidence was the largest component to this equation.
One day, I’m not exactly sure when or how, I just GOT it. I finally understood what “being aggressive” meant for my body. I just needed to get in there! I needed to fully show up and commit. Even better, I realized I could do that in a way that felt good to my body and who I naturally am in the world. This meant that I could finesse the way I was showing up. I didn’t have to be this super aggressive, bulldozer type. I could literally just use my thin, quick frame to slide into whatever pockets of space that I found and root myself between my opponent and the ball and the basket. Once I really got the hang of it, I was regularly one of the ones scoring the most points and making the most rebounds in every game on my high school varsity team. It took me a minute to get to that understanding, but I was finally doing it! I never gave up on myself and I was getting so much deep enjoyment from engaging my body in that way.
Many years later I had similar experiences in just about everything I did as I was working towards getting my Bachelors degree. When working at Starbucks, I wasn’t the best at making lattes right away--a coveted skill that everyone wanted to be known for whether they admitted to it or not. With a little time, I ended up being one of the quickest (and cleanest) baristas. I wasn’t given too much of a chance to practice and prove myself in the beginning, but I never gave up on myself and kept going. I just kept finding pockets of space and time where I could practice.
When in college, I often felt too insecure to speak up in my philosophy classes that were full of seemingly very confident young men with not too much to add to the conversation. Eventually I began realized that all of those big words they used in their unnecessarily verbose ponderings, indeed, added very little substance. It was all for show. One day, I couldn't help myself. I was so over listening to the same people talk about nothing and I blurted out, “Am I the only one noticing that a lot is being said, and yet absolutely nothing is being said?!” I was met with silence, but not just any kind of silence. It was the kind of silence that elicited tiny, relieved grins from many of my classmates because what I said was viewed as truth by more than just myself. I participated much more in class discussions after that.
I suppose I’m writing this because it feels important to illustrate just how important it is that we champion ourselves in life. We have to be our own best friends if there’s something we want to do or some change we want to see. Not everyone is going to be on your team at first, but that doesn’t mean that that can't change. We first have to make it plainly clear to ourselves what we even stand for before we can expect anyone to hop on board to recognize our greatness. There were so many times in my life that I felt passed up, dismissed, and unwanted. This hurt me so bad, but mostly it pissed me off enough to take on an “I’ll show them” attitude that didn’t always feel consistent, but somehow was exactly that.
Keep pushing. Keep dreaming. Keep moving forward as best as you can. Try your best to shut out the noise that keeps you distracted and discouraged. Everyday's a day where you can make a step, big or small, towards your goals. Perfection isn’t what’s gonna get you there like persistence and conviction will. The path might be a little messy, or a LOT messy, but those messy moments are what makes growth possible.
